"Kids, Gather 'Round. I Want To Teach You About Values"

If you lie just to generate shock
And teach your kids that truth should be mock'd
If you're an awful dad
With a heart that's gone bad
Then it's you who is pulling a Parlock

Winners and Everybody Else

When analysts pulled back the curtain,
Iraq's fate was confirmed as uncertain.
With order in doubt,
And democracy ruled out,
The sole winner may be Halliburton.

Go For the Jugular

Of the truth 'bout the Guard: won't admit
But attacking John's service: won't quit
Why doesn't John press
Bush's record under stress:
He did nothing when the buildings were hit

And to me - shows a cowardice streak
To not act when his knees became weak
But John I admire
For he turned into the fire
When the scene he was in became bleak

Ivan the Corrupter

In the state where the sun does shine
Gov'ner Bush has again crossed the line
He says it's the storm
Why he'll break from the norm
"Let's put Nader on this ballot of mine."

Though the courts said no way to the Green
Gov'ner Bush said it's time to intervene
"He'll be on the ballot,"
As he dabled with his palette
Filled with paints both corrupt and obscene

Example of Compassionate Conservatism

I'm distraught that this isn't more newsy
For the Limericker it's really a doozy
Tomorrow I can go
To my local Costco
And there I can buy an Uzi

A Liberal Limerick for the Lauerate

A man with dignity and a giant heart
A Christian man who doesn't overplay the part
Humility is key
To today's honoree
Jimmy Carter, you're a politician set apart

Oh, and nice letter to Emperor Zell

The Limericker's Worst Post to Date

President Bush is a coward and a liar
How does he walk when his pants are on fire?
Is that why there's a swagger?
Or is he just a bragger?
I know. I know. I'm preaching to the choir.

The Anti-Patriot (Ode to Dick Cheney)

The Limericker is astonished at what he heard from the Veep
"Elect John Kerry? You'll be bombed, you will weep"
This abuse of war
Out of "1984"
Proves his lack of character truly runs deep

And on the same day the deaths crossed 1K
With more and more dying every single day
To say we've turned the corner
Rings hollow to the mourner
And to the Iraqi people who only see disarray

Could there possibly be a less American politician
Who'll lose all integrity for his own ambition?
Doesn't he have pride
Or has it fallen by his side?
Can he really stoop to this moral sedition?

Swingers

Bush has jumped to a commanding lead
And boasts that Democrats should now take heed
But the GOP should be scared
The Liberal Limericker has declared
For this is when Kerry will shine indeed

Election after election, his back's to the wall
From the Senate to the Primary, indeed it's been all
Take heart my friends
Have faith in the Dems!
The Johns are just now beginning to brawl!

The Rising Price of Gash

Could the Republicans possibly have been more demented?
Slamming Kerry with stories they invented
With band aids they laughed
Despite running from the draft
A convention this negative is unprecedented

Americans will realize that this week's bash
Is a mini example of four years of trash
Lies and deceit
From the commanding cheat
A strategy of creating an American gash.

Good Riddance

The Limericker doesn't get upset about Zell
I mostly feel bad that his mind isn't well
He seems a bit crazy
And with facts he's been hazy
It's fitting he chose with the Republicans to dwell

A Personal Confession From the Heart

Lately the Limericker has been quite down
Crafting negative limericks while wearing a frown
The picture of me smiling
Is really just beguiling
Cause I'm tired of the lies from New York Town

In the coming days I'll try to find my grin
I'll smoke my pipe and sip my gin
The Limericker of old
Will again take hold
And humor you all with a positive spin!

Okay, so maybe the Limericker won't be able
For this lyricist is smart, but not always stable
Especially these days
When our nation's ablaze
I must stop watching news on Fox Cable

Ode to the Mighty Cuttlefish

With all the talk last night of war
Of giving Dubya four years more
I began to think
Shouldn't McCain be in pink?
It would be more fitting as Dubya's whore.

Duck, Duck, Goose (But after the convention it's back to Duck, Duck, Duck)

As the Republican National Convention nears
Lined with speakers who like "blacks & queers"
The clever will be quick
To this time honored trick
And expect a resumption of exploiting fears.

 

How many times will they mention the attacks,
With images, speeches and distorted facts?
Ignoring the recent history
That terrorism was a mystery
For Bush and his team of Cold War quacks

Feed the Birds

Next week I'll watch the republican convention
But the lies to come I need not mention
I just hope the protests
Aren't filled with bare breasts
That bring unwanted negative attention.

The GOP is waiting to pounce
On an opportunity where they can strongly denounce
As quick as a fox
They'll be on their soapbox
And this pathetic media will eat every ounce.

Expecting One Thing (Hi, I'm Reality. Nice to Meet You)

They asked lil Dubya what he liked in the games
"The Iraqi soccer and the Afghan dames"
Then the Iraqi team
Filled with steam
And said, "When Bush dies, he'll burn in flames"

T'was probably not what Bush was expecting
"Where are the flowers? Why this rejecting?"
And for his blunder
In choosing to sunder:
He won't be the one that America's electing.

Max to the Rescue

Good ol Max went to the ranch
With Jim and a letter and an olive branch
Big surprise, Bush didn't show
He hid inside, couldn't say hello
He really gets on my nerves.

Ugly, Bald, and Horned

Mirror, mirror, on the wall

Who's the most evil of them all?

Could it be Rove?

It is, by Jove!

Is there hope? Even Paul once was Saul.

 

They cannot win if the field is level
So in negative smears they tend to revel
I can't help but wonder
As he continues to plunder
Might Karl Rove just be the devil?

 

At a minimum they must be friends

Or he's one of the messengers he sends

To divide a nation

And tear at our foundation

It is to destroy that the devil intends.

"Pro Life"? But Not His Own Baby's Life?

Since this administration believes in distortion
And smears opponents in an alarming proportion
Then perhaps someone should tell
A story that few know well:
Did Bush pay for an illegal abortion?

Let's Get Some "Swift" Perspective

Two Presidential candidates and one ancient war;
One did his duty, one ducked out the door.
So which one’s war bravery
Is cast as unsavory?
In ‘04 it’s Kerry; in 2000 twas Gore. Oh, yeah, and McCain too.

No Flight Into Kennedy Ariport

Being liberal, hard-drinking and fat,
Was all that was wrong with this cat,
But Tom Ridge, none-the-less,
Kept the Senator flightless
And Ted had to beg hand in hat.

Swift Limericker for Truth

For truth they claim they stand
These veterans with new money in hand
Money that's been tainted
By men more than acquainted
With Karl Rove and the acts he commands.

Though it took two weeks to act
For Kerry and Edwards in fact
To set things straight
Looking dumb while they wait
To call on Bush to retract.

Ode to Deflating Bouncy Balls

A quest for alerts with political timing
Was served when old threats were given a mining,
To effectively trounce
Any convention bounce
Drowning out Kerry's opining.

Baby Smarts

Dubya Bushie likes the corn
Raw on the cob with a face of scorn
He then says he'll hurt us
And do it on purpose?
Still dumb as the day he was born

Spiderman Jeb

There once was a gov'ner named Jeb
Who with more power his honor did ebb
He took away rights
But not from the whites
And caught votes in his slimy web

A Failure of Frist and Friends

Closed-minded folk did shower him with praise
At his unprecedented negative discriminating ways
But even his own senate
Couldn't deny the tenet
That there should be marriage for gays

The Candidate Who Was Filibusted

There once was a candidate some trusted
For a great uniter we all lusted
But he divided us with the courts
By appointing sexist sorts,
So in the end, he was fili-BUSTED!!!!!